Commentary: Jackie’s Greatest Disappearances

Jeremy’s Commentary –

5. Hair Ties

I know where your hair ties are. They are throughout my house, on the floor in every room, in every drawer, on the stairs. They are in our cars, even some in the glove compartment. They are everywhere. I’m pretty sure we haven’t bought all these hair ties, so there must be a wormhole the empties them from all over the world into our space. You can come pick up yours anytime you want.

4. Rooms

Why would you want a lot of rooms in your house? More rooms means more doors to slam and corners to clean. It’s more walls to paint. I want to say more rooms are harder to heat/cool. Personally, I don’t need a special room I can hide in. I have plenty of rooms in my soul and can easily hide in one them.

3. Solomon Northup

This one is perhaps he saddest of them all. I’ve seen the movie 12 Years a Slave, which is about the enslavement of Mr. Northrup. It’s a horrific story. To think that he survived all that only to be captured again is so utterly depressing. I too hope he was able to escape to a peaceful life somewhere.

2. Lost Inuit Village

Clearly they were overtaken by the Thing. The evidence is all there. Mystery solved.

1. Hippies at Stonehenge

Is this another example of spontaneous combustion? Did they find little green globules on the ground? I think so many of these so-called “disappearances” could be explained by spontaneous combustion. People just need to look for the little green globules.


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