Top 5ive Cinematic Afflictions: Commentary on Matt’s List

Blake’s Commentary –

5. Employee of the Month. I am pretty sure I have seen this movie 2-3 times. I have no idea why because I don’t particularly remember thinking it was that funny or really even liking the narrative of it. It may have just been the overwhelming Dane Cook love that was going around at the time. I think most people went through that phase and I’m no different. All I know is if I can’t explain why I watched it more than once then its probably a good pick. Nice job.

4. Crank 2: High Voltage. The last film that I saw Jason Statham in AND liked was the first Transporter. Most everything else I have seen of his has been irredeemable garbage. So far this is the pick that I would chide you the most for. I mean, did you see the first Crank??? Wasn’t that enough???

3. Logan’s Run. I know I have seen this. But I don’t remember anything about it. I think my family liked it, but I don’t remember what I thought about it, so I can’t speak to this choice at all.

2. Knowing. I hate Nic Cage. Period. But I remember not absolutely detesting the film (though I still found Cage to me annoying) and, like you, I thought the theological ending was a nice twist, but it didn’t really tie in…it felt very left field as if the director was just making it look like he was bringing in bigger ideas than were actually there. I think this is a solid pick. For you. I seriously doubt I would ever watch it again.

1. Grown Ups. Chris Rock is the only person in that line-up I actually like (though this stinks of Murphy’s death by “family” movie) and Spade is Spade, if you like his humor then you like him. I like his humor. All that being said, NOTHING about this film even remotely appealed to me. At all. Ever. And I will mock you until the day I die for liking this film.

Jeremy’s Commentary–

5. Employee of the Month. One of the better episodes of the WTF Podcast is the one with Dane Cook. Maron is pretty much a jerk to him. Maybe it’s the ill-treatment that makes Cook into just a regular human; maybe it’s that Cook is actually just a regular human. I’m not sure. Either way, this is from all accounts a not-very-worthwhile movie that steals part of your humanity.

4. Crank 2: High Voltage. There is a place for stupid action movies with ridiculous plots that are actually quite well made. Then there’s movies like Crank 2: High Voltage. I would need to a shot of adrenaline to the heart to get me through a film like this.

3. Logan’s Run. This film should be called Jeremy’s Run, because I will run from any theater or TV that is showing it.

2. Knowing. Matt shouldn’t feel too bad about watching this. After all, Roger Ebert gave it 4 stars, and placed it ‘among the best science-fiction films I’ve seen.’ It is certainly silly, and, of course, it has Nic Cage being Nic Cage, but it’s not quite as bad as it’s reputation (it’s light-years ahead of The Wicker Man). I have only seen it once, but I could be convinced to watch it again.

1. Grown Ups. I don’t know if there’s a way to make up for this. Maybe if Matt watched all of Satantango in one sitting. Even that probably wouldn’t remove the stain on his soil; just cover it a little. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in repentance. I pray for Matt.

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