Cinematic Afflictions

It always starts with the illusion that what you are watching is a good film. Why else would YOU be watching it if it wasn’t? That’s a fair response. So you keep watching it, laughing, crying, fist-pumping, etc. You buy that VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray copy and you wear it out time and time again. That’s where it always starts before the diagnosis comes tumbling down on you.

You start to share that film with others, opening a piece of your heart to the fates that be. Little by little, your heart gets tenderized and kicked around as each person takes a dagger to your chest and, sometimes, your back when they say that hate the movie, they think it’s terrible, that it isn’t worth the celluloid, disc it’s been copied on. The illusion starts to crumble. Denial flows down in torrents. Tear-stained pillows and couch cushions. But you can’t help it, you love that film regardless of what anyone says.

Then the illusion crumbles completely and even you start to see the film for what it really is: something that should be tossed to the cinematic trash heaps. You start to embody the perspectives of the naysayers, you start to see what they see. You come to the stark realization that the film really is as bad as they say…

…and, yet, you still can’t stop watching it. It’s like heroine for the eyes. They are the brands of shame upon your otherwise immaculate taste in film. They are your cinematic afflictions. You can’t get enough. You can’t stop. You know that rock bottom is coming but you don’t know when or what that will look like. But you don’t even care anymore. It makes you feel good and that’s all that matters, right?

This week, Matt, Jeremy and I are bearing our scars as we come out of denial and reveal our top cinematic afflictions. These are the films we know are bad (and bad for us) but we have given up hope of trying to rid out TVs and film collections of their presence. Take it easy on us. We know you all have them too. And they are probably worse than ours, to be honest.


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