Top 5ive 80s Pro Wrestlers: Commentary on Jeremy’s List

Blake’s Commentary – 

5. Rabbi Ruckus. I remember vaguely hearing about Rawls and his yarmulke and tallit. I mean, how could a young boy not recall hearing about a wrestler with that costuming? It seemed that Bill Rawls was due to become a relatively obscure artifact of the 80s wrestling scene, though, because he basically used every Jewish stereotype in his wrestling character. Say what you want, but that wouldn’t fly today. An interesting choice to be sure. I might have said he was “chosen”, but, alas, he is a mere Gentile.

4. Mant. This is a great choice. Who doesn’t look for “massively fat, hairy beast-man” as a central characteristic in their wrestler selections? Well, apparently, everyone after the 80s.

3. Pedro El Fuego. Let’s face it, Jeremy. The only reason why this choice is on your list is because you watched Nacho Libre again and decided that your list needed more “diversity” and so you went to wikipedia and typed in “Mexican wrestlers” and found one with a name that sounded vaguely cool, kinda rhymed and sounded like it was a jab at white people–because most white people can’t speak another language outside English; you included, apparently. You lost your “diversity” card with your fake Jew in #5.

2. Maw Bennett. You mentioned Justified. Therefore, I am obligated to like this choice. If I were him, I would have ditched the “Apple Pie” move title and called it the “Apple Cider Shakedown.” But, thats just me imposing Justified on someone who never knew great TV.

1. Jimmy Python. You have got to be kidding me, Jeremy. This guy? Really? Who the hell are you trying to score points with on this choice?? I mean his name is basically two separate nicknames for the male genitalia. You know what would have gotten him more press? If he had created a wrestling move called “The Jimmy Hat” or “The Vibrating Python.” This dude was a joke and always will be a joke.

Sarah’s Commentary – 

5. Rabbi Ruckus. Great choice. Since I come from a long line of Gentiles who also happen to be wild-eyed Israel-enthusiasts, anyone who claims to be one of The Chosen People, even a pro-wrestler, is tops in my book. Which also happens to be The Book.

4. Mant. The Mant deserves to be obscure for the following reasons: A) There is only room for one giant, hairy man in our affections (a space already taken by Andre the Giant who also spoke French so his appeal extends to croutons) and B) The Mant’s signature move was called The Mandible. The Mandible? Enough said.

3. Pedro El Fuego. I agree with Blake 400% here (yes, that is possible). Nice try, checking boxes other than caucasian on your Wrestler Card, Jeremy, but Pedro El Fuego is nothing more than a cultural imperialist in spandex.

2. Maw Bennett. I, too, am soft on Bennetts thanks to Justified. I’m also just generally pretty keen on hillbillies, rednecks and other variants of hicks, since not only do I come from long line of Gentile Israel-enthusiasts I also happen to come from a long line of hicks (no, there is no correlation). Maw Bennett was a pretty swell wrestler who also managed to make it home every week for Sunday dinner at Maw’s ma’s. He was a good son as well as a good wrestler; both qualities together make the perfect man.

1. Jimmy Python. Since I’m not a sicko, like BIC||The Dirty Deacon, I look at Jimmy Python’s name and see nothing beyond a man wielding a giant snake. Literally just that. Still, that’s enough to make me hate the guy.

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